When I became a mother I learnt that,

Posted by: nadira289 on: March 14, 2010

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1. A night of uninterrupted sleep is not an option.. Long after your kids learn to sleep through the night you still wake up “just in case”

2. Your heart going all a-flutter at the sight of a foot sticking out from under a comforter is normal IF the foot belongs to one of your children (I keep thinking the fluttering will cease the more their shoe size increases but it doesn’t)

3. Those elegant little clutch purses you see in fashion magazines are USELESS!!! They can’t hold a Hotwheels car, a plastic dinosaur, wetwipes, discarded candy wrappers, and the latest Happy Meal toy.

4, It doesn’t matter that your kids have two feet each, only ONE sock of each pair ends up in the laundry.

5. Keeping track of Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, or Private Practice is impossible and not even necessary, but you need to know what happens in the next episode of Anthony Ant.

6.  Relaxing with your kids is IMPOSSIBLE.

7. Relaxing without your kids is equally impossible - the sound of any kid crying sends you into a tizzy for a few seconds before you realise your kids are safe at home with your sister

8. The chances of breaking your neck by tripping over toys, a discarded sippy cup, or an odd shoe increase drastically.

9. It is possible to actually cuddle and enjoy cuddling an individual dripping with sweat and covered in grime (as long as they call you amma)

10. You cant go on a date with your husband without being inetrrogated.

11. Even the most unassuming gullible kids turn into manipulative, conniving  little numbers when their grandparents are anywhere in the vicinity - even if it’s just on a skype call.

12. When kids are dressed up to go out they automatically develop mutant magnetic abilities rivalled only by Marvel’s Magneto – they can attract colored drinks spills, melted chocolate, runny ice cream and just plain grime from miles away.

13. When you go shopping with that generous gift voucher you got at christmas, it’s normal to get home and realise that all you’ve bought are, Spiderman socks,  a couple of Bob the Builder t-shirts, Y-fronts printed with colorful cars and a Ben10 jacket.

14. However shy and quiet you normally are, if someone hurts, insults or puts your kids in danger you turn into a female Chuck Norris – you go out there guns blazing and you leave no survivors!

15. You wouldn’t trade your chaos and kid filled life for ANYTHING!